Do fashionable girls invite rape?

Do fashionable girls invite rape?

IHM has written extensively about this topic, and there really isn’t much more than I can add. However, here are my two cents.

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In what seemed to be a re-enactment of the origins of the Slut Walk, Andhra Pradesh top cop Dinesh Reddy recently made a statement that ‘women who wear fashionable clothes provoke men, leading to increase in rape cases’. He indicated that modern and fashionable women are more prone to rape, BECAUSE of their inappropriate dressing. While many people were outraged, many others have applauded him on his courage!!

I lived in India for most of my life, and I can tell you for a fact, that EVEN IF YOU ARE COVERED FROM HEAD-TO-TOE you are still very much at the risk of being sexually abused.

For starters, how easy or difficult do you think it is for a woman to travel in a crowded bus without being touched inappropriately by a fellow passenger?! A young child, a teenager, a mother of two kids – nobody is spared. As long as one is a woman, she is likely to be molested at some point in time. Do you know how many middle-class woman living in Mumbai carry a sharp safety pin while travelling on a crowded local train? I was advised this ‘technique’ when I lived in Mumbai for a couple of months.

The groping, pinching and other lecherous behaviour that happens all the time, on our Indian roads and public transport is beyond a civilised person’s imagination!! To blame that sort of lecherous behaviour on the clothes of the victim sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it?

A potential rapist sees his victim as an object and nothing else. There are no statistics to prove that a woman wearing a modern dress is more likely to get raped as compared to a woman who is conservatively dressed.

This article (see link) talks about molestation statistics in our Capital city, New Delhi. Atleast one woman is molested EVERY DAY.

Are we really so naive as to believe that all those women who were molested or raped were dressed ‘inappropriately’ or ‘fashionably’?!

How about our villages? Those poor women are not dressed ‘fashionably’, and yet they suffer the humiliation and trauma of rape.

For a country that claims to treat women as ‘goddesses’, statistics surprisingly indicate an increasing amount of crime against women!!

Also, do read this shocking extract from http://www.thp.org/reports/indiawom.htm

‘In recent years, there has been an alarming rise in atrocities against women in India. Every 26 minutes a woman is molested. Every 34 minutes a rape takes place. Every 42 minutes a sexual harassment incident occurs. Every 43 minutes a woman is kidnapped. And every 93 minutes a woman is burnt to death over dowry.

One-quarter of the reported rapes involve girls under the age of 16 but the vast majority are never reported. Although the penalty is severe, convictions are rare.’

Let’s get to the ROOT of the problem.

This interesting link describing the various causes of rape

Every single reason for rape (lust/show of power/etc.) has entirely to do with the mindset of the rapist, and NOT the outfit of the victim.

The problem is not that girls are getting influenced by the West and/or are wearing fashionable clothes, thereby ‘provoking’ men.

Rape happens IRRESPECTIVE of the victim’s outfit and NOT BECAUSE of it.

If we take a step backward and analyse the situation, we find that our society is plagued by a strong ‘rape culture’.

Wiki defines this rape culture as:

‘a culture in which rape and sexual violence against women are common and in which prevalent attitudes, norms, practices, and media condone, normalize, excuse, or tolerate sexual violence against women.  Examples of behaviors commonly associated with rape culture include victim blaming, sexual objectification and rape apologism’

As a society, we still tend to BLAME THE VICTIM. We believe that the victim is responsible, either directly or indirectly.

That way, we not only transfer the burden of rape on the woman, but also seek to excuse the rapist for his barbaric behaviour.

Statistics have not been able to prove the link between the victim’s outfits and incidence of rape. Please read an extract from this link ‘Through a Rapist’s Eyes’. Though this is applicable to the US, the underlying issue is very relevant to India too:

‘There is no data to suggest that a potential victim is at greater risk because of how she is dressed. Remember, 70-80% of assailants are known to their victim, so tactics of stranger rapists aren’t needed.’

More statistics only support the above statements by revealing that around 2/3rds of rape are committed by known persons rather than strangers!

Therefore, the point is – Rape is PREMEDITATED. To claim that a girl wore fashionable clothes, thereby provoking and INVITING rape is baseless.

And for those who really believe that covering ones’ self from head-to-toe protects you from rape, please do read this bold article.  Rape happens even with women who are completely covered behind a veil.

To be fair, I do understand that wearing revealing clothes might attract more attention in a country that is sexually repressed! But does that justify rape? NO. Rape is crime and you cannot simply BLAME the victim by the flimsy excuse that ‘she was wearing fashionable clothes’!

I think this comment on Yahoo beautifully sums it up: ‘A rapist has a totally different mindset. It’s much more sinister, because he is actually serious about his plans. And to a real rapist, the outfit probably doesn’t matter much at all’

The need of the hour is not guidelines on Indian women’s Dress Code, but concentrated efforts to get out of this gross rape culture.

There is no such thing as a ‘right to rape’!! The quicker we realise it, the better for us to evolve into a truly civilised society!

Please, do share your thoughts on this.

Flaunt that bump!

A couple of decades ago, it was really easy to find out if a woman was a ‘mum-to-be’ or not. In my totally humble (and utterly baseless and subjective) opinion, pregnant women would often be the ones wearing an oversized salwar-kameez or simple sari, very modestly trying to hide their baby-bumps!

But not so any more. Today, the Bump is something of a celebration We eagerly look forward to seeing that precious, adorable baby-bump that loudly calls for ‘Partayyy!!’

Now one regret that I have always had is that the poor mum-to-be often gets left behind in the hullabaloo about the baby-to-be!! And ofcourse, the woeful lack of smart ethnic maternity wear. And I am not referring to the good old versatile ‘sari’ here

There is an awesome range of stylish maternity wear when it comes to western outfits – like fantastic maternity jeans, maternity tops, etc. etc. But as far as Indian clothes are concerned… I don’t recall having seen any ‘maternity salwar-kameez’

Very recently, the lovely folks at Morph Maternity got in touch with me. And trust me, I truly regretted visiting their website. Looking at all those gorgeous clothes, I felt awful that I did not have access to such a delightful collection of clothes when I needed them a few years ago!!! While I loved their chic kurtis/kurtas, some of the dresses (Sigh, I’ll never get into them!) looked so stylish!

While pregnancy itself is a blessing, I think chic maternity clothes make the mum-to-be feel confident and happy. And happy mums make happy babies!!!! I wish I had known about this brand earlier. A chunk of my wardrobe would have been from there!!

Google also reveals that the brain behind this concept is a woman entrepreneur Deepa Kumar. Thumbs up, lady!

My only quibble might be the sizing information on the website. The size chart is quite clear, however there isn’t a comparison with UK/EU measurements. Which I suppose is OK considering this is an Indian brand, but greedy folks like me, who want to order clothes from abroad might find it a little confusing.

I also wonder if they have an option of buying Gift Vouchers online like they do on sites such as Flipkart.

Anyway, better late than never. What am I going to do with all that post-pregnancy weight afterall !!! Kurtas.. kurtis.. here I come

(Psst: They offer free delivery too )

Abortion – Cruel or Kind?

At a recent party, the conversation veered rapidly from brandy and mulled wine to beauty and appearances. Amidst the general cheerful banter, I overheard a small group of people talking about children with severe disabilities and how parents of such children cope with life. One guest happened to ask – ‘if parents had prior knowledge about a child’s mental disorder before it is born, then wouldn’t it be better to simply abort the pregnancy rather than face a lifetime of suffering?’

My first instinct was: If abortions based on children’s disability were to become common, then we tend to become very intolerant as a society. Take a look at the statistics on this UK website (link).

‘1 in 4 people will experience some kind of mental health problem in the course of a year’

‘About 10% of children have a mental health problem at any one time’

If we knew ahead of time, would we simply axe a quarter of the population, or perhaps one tenth of our children?!

However, on pondering about this topic, I realise that we seem to live in a world where anything less than ‘perfect’ faces some form of social rejection (Forget the fact that perfection itself is over-rated and I am yet to come across a ‘perfect’-looking person - who has not had a nose-job or boob-job, that is!)

That being the case, children who have severe mental disabilities might just be far more vulnerable than others. How often have we come across cases of sexual abuse against mentally unstable victims!! Read this excerpt on ‘at least 19 mentally-challenged girls who had bruises on their bodies and other signs suggesting sexual abuse.’

Now brace yourself and click this link to get a broad picture of the wide range of disabilities! They range from mild to severe, hardly impacting life or greatly hinder even basic functioning!

In my strictly personal and very subjective opinion (not supported by any facts whatsoever!!), as Indians, these impact our thought process:

1) Social impact: Taunts, Ridicule and Social rejection!

As I remember it, about two to three decades ago, there was not much awareness of ‘special needs’. Let’s take a very simple example. A child wearing thick glasses would most likely be taunted with the words ‘soda-buddi’ (meaning, glasses as thick as a soda bottle). A polio-crippled child would be mercilessly teased ‘langda’ (lame). This is not at all uncommon!

It gets worse as the disability is more severe.. Take a child who suffers, say from ADHD. The most probably thing to happen at school is that an inexperienced teacher would label him ‘hyperactive’ or ‘wild’. Or take the case of an autistic child. The common man, out of sheer ignorance, is quite likely to reject the child from social circles by branding him or her as ‘mentally retarded’. The child therefore faces a huge social disadvantage!

I agree that a lot of research has gone into the spectrum of disabilities and special needs. Unfortunately though, awareness at a common level, is just not enough. So, don’t you think that a child with severe mental disabilities is more likely to lead a very difficult life as compared to other children?

2) Personal impact: The thin line between ‘Responsibility’ and ‘Burden’?

We love our children, but there are moments when they can totally get on our nerves. Like say, non-stop whining during school-holidays! So imagine, for a moment, the life of parents of a severely disabled child? They have to look at (and look out for) their child 24*7, perhaps even fully knowing that there is no immediate or long-term solution. Perhaps they will have to physically look after the child all his/her life. Such parents often withdraw into a shell, unable to face society and even themselves, and watch in despair, as life slips right through their hands.

Research papers claim that any child with disability will thrive well if nurtured with love and care. However, the red flag here is: When will the parent snap? There is a very delicate line differentiating ‘responsibility’ from ‘burden’. Afterall, parents are human too!

3) The great Karmic circle

While abortion is often considered as a crime against society by many people around the world, we often add the Karma dimension to it, and make it a ‘sinful act’.

Apparently, abortion is legal in UK if the child is ‘that there is a substantial risk that if the child were born it would suffer from such physical or mental abnormalities as to be seriously handicapped’. Abortion is legal in India too, under certain specific medical circumstances.

So now, the big question is: What is cruel and what is kind?

Is aborting a severely disabled child cruel and heartless? Or is it simply an act of kindness to a child who is likely to face immense hardships?

Imho, IF done in good faith – it is but ‘kindness’ to spare an innocent child from misery.

What do you believe? Do share!!

Edited to add: The intention of this post is not to JUDGE other parents who face such a dilemma, but to put yourself in their shoes and analyse what you would do! Thanks!!

How I got trapped

Here’s the answer to all the inquisitive children that commented on my previous post ‘Trapped‘.

Trapped!

The leaves, I mean!

Happy New Year folks… have a great 2012 ahead

 

Christmas day – through a looking glass

WW – Foggy winter day

Precisely 9:00 am!

(P.S: Count Bratula, Vimmu and Hitchy bhai, I don’t know who the girl in the picture is, OK?)

The Virtual world – Virtual or Real?

With many of us living a parallel life ‘online’, one wonders if this throbbing, invisible world is really virtual anymore?

I remember reading a chapter on ‘the Internet’ when I was in school, and quietly dismissing it thinking it was too ‘theoretic ’. I could not have been more wrong!!

Right from my cute 8-year-old neighbour in Chennai till 70-year-old retired school teacher aunty, almost every single person I know is alive and kicking in the Virtual world (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virtual_world).

Facebook, Twitter, Google wave (and many more!)… ‘being online’ is not merely a part of life, but a basic necessity for many! Facebook discussions, for example, are so real that I often find myself pondering the entire day about a single thought floating around somewhere in virtual space. Some people go so far as to claim their life has improved with being able to instantly gratify their need for friendship! We are so involved with the online world that it begins to affect our day-to-day life. We do things, go to places so we can tell the world we have done it. We argue, we strive desperately to show we are right, we eagerly seek approval.. and all this from a community that we do not ‘see’ but only ‘read’.

Media Mania (pic courtesy Hindustan times)

There is this nagging urge to make a strong online presence. It could start off with a completely useless discussion on New Year resolutions that you know will not see the light of day! Or RT-ing anything that Big B, Junior B, or Beti B say (or gurgle, as the case may be). Or even reading a controversial article and throwing barbs at the authors hiding behind a shield of anonymity.

One thing is certain – no matter what form our online participation takes, it is certainly assuming gigantic proportions. Statistics indicate that many Facebook users spend more time on Facebook than face-to-face with friends.

Basically, we do not live in one single world any more. There is this invisible, pulsating virtual world all around us, drawing us deeper and deeper each day.

I wouldn’t say it is a vice, though. Let’s take a look at the incredible benefits of our virtual world:

• Pretend to be friends with @SrBachchan and go ga-ga about Beti B’s name
• Find love in chat-rooms (Sure, that makes a great story to tell your grandkids!)
• 

  Golu (Pic courtesy Wikipedia)

  Valiantly keep Indian culture alive. Especially all those lovely NRIs living in the ‘aasum You-Yes-Yay’ who post photos of exotic Golu and drool-worthy Paniyaram!

• Say NO to dieting and exercise. I mean seriously! All you need is Photoshop. And tada!! You have a . Throw on a pair of dark glasses, Copy-Paste Santorini in the background, and notice how easy it is to get ‘liked’ without the Kolaveri of sweaty gymming.
  

  Instant makeover (Pic courtesy home-make-over dot info)

• Keep a watch on the better-half! You wonder why his SMS reads ‘stuck in boring office party’, when he is simultaneously ‘tagged’ realtime with some hotties via ‘HTC Wild fire for FB’

Keep an eye on that teenage cousin who wears two-plaits and goes to a girls-school, and quietly tip off her mom when some weirdo with spikey hair comments ‘Dat Pic Lukng Hawt’. Whatever, dude!
Find out what your retired dad is upto these days (even if you don’t really want to). ‘Dirty Picture at xyz Cinema with abc’. Gulp! Shouldn’t Zuckerberg think of introducing an upper age limit on FB users?

• Free campaigning for events and functions. All you need is an IIT/IIM based story, and Voila! you are the next Chetan Bhagat, and FB is under a deluge of your ‘book launch’
• Forge great friendships and even greater enemies!
• And best of all, you get all this for FREE!

All the same, we suddenly have many lurking dangers!

• Trading Facebook for Treadmill. Er.. not a great idea, really!
• At the risk of an anti-climax, most of those porn videos that you think are ‘Chi..chi!’ and then click when nobody is watching, are actually spam and could contain viruses. What is worse, the bleddy link does not even play a video afterall!!
• Attack by virtual trolls. There seem to be an increasing level of aggression and barbed attacks by anonymous trolls who trade subjectivity for offensiveness. Actually, getting to watch a fight for free should go under ‘merits’ of social media, but then, it isn’t always pleasant, is it?
• Identity theft – This is more common than we think. When I saw my mum receiving FB notifications, I wondered how a lady who refused point-blank to turn on a computer, suddenly got so tech-savvy. Duh! Someone had stolen her ID!
• 

  Mc Merry!!! (Pic courtesy www dot overgroundonline dot com)

  There is just no privacy! You can’t lie to your organization or school. Like, for example, you cannot bunk school and go to Inox or McDonalds, because somebody is always watching.

• And what is worse… those annoying/boring/nevertheless curious folks you desperately try to avoid in real life, keep such close watch on you, its like having a personal Bodyguard
• And on a serious note, considering the amount of time and effort you invest into social media, you really cannot estimate the value of ‘return’. Unless you consider ‘3 hrs per day on FB = 5 kgs gain p.a’.

Evidently, all these merits and demerits of the virtual world are quite tangible. Increasing awareness, thoughtful discussions, resultant mood swings(!), friendships, enemities, losses (of time) and gains (of weight!) are all real.

Can we still confidently draw the line between the online world and the real one?

Do we know when exactly a Facebook campaign suddenly gains huge momentum, facilitating a mass-protest in a country (eg., Egypt protests organized through Facebook and microblogging site Twitter)?

Pip pip Pippaaaa! (Pic courtesy telegraph dot co dot uk)

Why! We even saw a bunch of ‘real’ people who witnessed the Royal wedding and promptly went on to create a Facebook page for ‘Pippa Middleton Ass Appreciation Society’. The page has 241,492 fans!

We did not see this coming (And I don’t mean Pippa Middleton).

We did not realise when or how the virtual world became an integral part of the real one. When being ‘online’ changed from a one-off indulgence to a gnawing daily necessity! When the power of the online world began to threaten that of the real one. Or when thoughts floating around online started influencing mind-sets in the physical world.

What do you think? Is the Virtual world really virtual anymore? Or is it so real that it poses social and even political dangers to society?

Pic courtesy: Wikipedia

Perhaps we should ask Kapil Sibal!

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Cross-posted on the nri dot com)

 

Calling all lovers.. er.. ‘curry’ lovers!

There are lots of things different here in the UK as compared to India.

Like for example, many of us (Indian parents/grandparents) pride ourselves in saying our children are ‘Oh soooo naughtyyyy….’ whereas here ‘naughty’ indicates the kid is ‘bad’!

And when I say ‘tea’ I really mean the sweet, hot liquid with milk.. tea! Not the ‘London’ version of tea that means a nice evening snack (that tea is a part of!)

Or for example, ‘curry’, which to me, means vegetables, diced/chopped/etc, tempered with mustard seeds and seasoned with regular, mundane spices and not a thick gravy flavoured with cream or coconut milk! Which by the way, reminds me of what a local tour operator once said… ‘Britain’s favourite food isn’t Fish n Chips, but ‘Chicken Curry’!

So here is a dish, that we absolutely LOVE! With a Japanese/Chinese flavour, this is a one-course dish, scrumptious, filling, healthy (well, in part!) and absolutely droolicious.

Its actually a signature dish of Wagamama, called ‘Yasai Katsu Curry’ (Fried vegetables curry with rice). Obviously this is the ‘vegetarian’ version (actually, ‘eggetarian’ as you do need a little bit of egg to coat the veggies in). However, you could easily replace the veggies with slices of chicken and it would taste just as good (my non-vegetarian friends would claim it tastes even better!) The curry here refers to a Japanese style of curry. Wiki says it all!

First, let me post a picture.. to see if it tempts you!!

Did you like this, did you? Did you?

Ok, so I hope I have your very kind (stomach-growling) attention now!

Before I very generously share this magic recipe with you, let me give you an estimate of how much time this dish takes, to make. Er.. around an hour (more, if you make all the ingredients from scratch, and less, if you decide to play smart like I did, and buy some of it from the store).

The trick, really, is to get all the ingredients ready before-hand, and then the actually cooking/serving is actually quite quick.

I can guarantee you, the effort is really worth it, considering this is a one-pot meal, that your folks are going to LOVE!

So, for the ingredients.

We actually have FOUR sets of components here.

1) For the main Yasai Katsu:

(a) Vegetables like Brinjal (aubergine), Butternut squash and Sweet potato work best. Just slice them. This really depends on how you want your veggies. Wagamama serves thick slices, whereas I like em thin so I sliced a brinjal into 0.5 thickness.

(b) Half a cup of ordinary white flour with a pinch of salt

Crisp bread crumbs mixture

(c) Two full cups of a mixture of crumbs (Bread crumbs and plain salt crackers (I used Melba Toasts) ground into fine crumbs, to add a crisp texture to the veggies)

(d) One egg, beaten lightly.

You could add your choice of spices to any of these, really. I just added some salt to the flour, and some more salt, coriander powder and tumeric powder (Tee hee… an Indian cook after all!) to the bread crumbs mixture. But make it the way you like it. If you like your food spicy, then go for it!

2) The side: Now you could serve either crunchy vegetables or a side salad. I chose the veggies, simple because I had no salad at home Take your pick of colourful capsicum(peppers), baby-corn, mange-tout… vegetables that will suit a quick stir-fry.

Mmmm... stir-fried crunchy vegetables!

3) White rice. You could either use plain ponni rice/sona masoori rice or basmati rice. It tastes good either way. Wagamama serves this dish with some yummy sticky white rice, that I have NO clue how to make. So I faithfully stuck to our aromatic basmati

4) And lastly, the curry sauce. Now, Google says it is to be prepared this way.

Onion, garlic, ginger, tomato, turmeric powder, cumin powder, coriander powder – Fry it all, simmer with a little water for about 15 mins, cool it, and grind it with a little more water. Simmer again for about 15 mins.

Now, how do you cook this delicious meal? Really , truly simple!

Step 1: Cook your rice. I washed 1 cup of basmati rice, added 2 cups of water to it, and chucked the bowl into the microwave, first for 10 mins, then a quick stir, and another 7 minutes.

Step 2: Now, while your rice is getting cooked, take a couple of minutes to grind the bread and the crackers together to get a fine bread-crumbs mixture. Beat an egg, and keep it aside. Keep the flour ready. Start heating up the oil. Don’t slice your brinjal until it is time to fry them.

The Yasai and Katsu stuff

Step 3: Get your curry sauce organized. I’ll be honest. I didn’t make the curry sauce myself. Just bought a pack of ‘curry sauce powder’ from the supermarket and added it to boiling water. Voila!! A nice, thick, sticky curry sauce.

Side aside

Step 4: Roughly chop your side vegetables into 1-inch pieces. Heat one teaspoon of mild/medium olive oil (for health reasons… well, don’t ask me why I insist on olive oil, when the bleddy veggies are going to be deep-fried!!), and throw the veggies in. Stir-fry on high heat for about 3 mins and take them off the pan. Puhlees, for heaven’s sake, don’t cook them soggy!

Also, if you have a couple of minutes to spare, do peel a carrot, and slice slivers of it, for garnishing. It adds that ‘special’ touch, you see

Step 5: OK, now for the frying bit. By this time, you should have your rice, your curry and your side salad/veggies READY. So take those slices of brinjal (if you are using sweet potato/squash, please cook them in boiling water before frying them), coat them lightly in flour, dip them in the egg, and load them with the crumbs. Once you have about 3-4 ready, slide them gently into the hot oil. You know how to fry, don’t you? Just ensure it does not get burnt! And, drain excess oil onto tissue paper.

Step 6: Pile your plate and serve Hot Hot Hot!!!! Invert a cup of rice, arrange the fried veggies, add some side veggies, ladle the curry sauce, and garnish with carrot!! And.. Bon Apetit!!!

Mmmm.... Yasai Katsu Curry!

So, tell me, did you like it? Did you?

Rain (WW)

Rain drops