Lara ka Yoga!

(Ok, I don’t know if it is Lara KA Yoga, or Lara KI Yoga!)

First, it was Shilpa flaunting her huge.. er.. smile on everything, starting from Poppadums to Yoga Dvds. And now its our dear Lara Dutta.

Image via Wikipedia

I saw this link on FB, from Flipkart, that announced a new product – ‘H.E.A.L. With Lara Dutta – “Yoga: Recovery & Rejuvenation’.

Excellent venture. For the producers and Lara!

But what of the thousands of people (and here, I’m just being optimistic about the number not being in Lakhs!!) who will actually buy the DVD?

Thousands of people will believe they can actually learn yoga, and achieve ‘inner peace’ by copying Lara!

Thousands will imagine they too, will turn ultra-slim and glamorous, only by practising Yoga from a DVD!

And thousands more will be happy to flaunt that they too, belong to the elite group of people who do Yoga for well-being.

Honestly, people, do we really believe it is safe to learn yoga from a DVD?

Here is something very basic about Yoga. Yoga is not just about postures, it is about breating too. And the technique you adopt has to be absolutely correct.

Image courtesy - Google, link to original image

The wrong technique could lead to injuries of any sort. It could even render the entire exercise useless!!

Image courtesy: comfortinstylemag dot com

• If we really do want to achieve inner calm, let’s spend some time in silence!!
• If we desire happiness and a sense of purpose in life, let us spend time with the less fortunate – we will not only help them, but will also automatically realise how much we ‘have’ as compared to what we hanker after!!
• If we want to look thin and glamorous, then let’s eat sensibly and work-out every day, rather than buy a ‘Heal with Lara’ Dvd!

Well, the only ray of light in this sort of a money-making venture is that the common man/woman may not find the sight of a Baba Ramdev visually appealing (!!!), but might just be tempted to have a taster of ‘Yoga’ just because a filmstar endorses it!

Having said that, it seems ridiculous for people to try and learn Yoga from a DVD.

It is like reading a book or watching a DVD on ‘How to Swim’ and jumping straight into the ocean!!!

What do you think, ladies and gentlemen? Do share!

Oh Goody! – Shilpa Shetty’s USP

So! What guarantees success?

Perfect timing? The right product? Excellent marketing gimmicks? Or some really strong USP?

Marketing gurus like Kotler have written/spoken at length on this topic. And have come up with sound marketing principles. He talks about having the right product, at the right place, right time and with sound promotional tactics.

Today, I would like to present you with a Case study.

Ever since her time in Indian Cinema has come to an end, our great Bollywood actor (the victim of racial attacks, the ‘household name’ in Britain), the ONE AND ONLY Ms.Shilpa Shetty, has been taking the world by storm! In simpler terms, she seems to be raking in the money globally!

The brand ‘Shilpa Shetty’ has come of age! It is internationally recognized, and much famed/touted for various reasons, right and wrong.

Take a peep into some of the things she has been upto:

– The much in-vogue Yoga with Shilpa – I honestly do not know how much she believes in this science or how much she has mastered it! Nor her contribution (if any) to Yoga. However, she has skillfully taken over the role of Brand Ambassador of all things connected to, or even remotely connected to, India.

– Her range of fragrances was a success! I cannot believe why anyone in their senses would want to waste money on something associated with her! Is the NRI population so utterly devoid of its sensibilities, or is the western world taken in by her (lack of) charm?

– Recently, flagging off our Independence Day parade in NY! Isn’t this atrocious? She is NOT the Indian ambassador , and she certainly isn’t the face of Indian culture, BY DEFAULT. What continues to stun me is the utter stupidity of the people who selected her. Should the honour not have gone to a more deserving, nay – simply, a deserving candidate?

– And now – this – Curries! (P.S: If the curries are anything like her, I would rather scurry!) I cannot believe she is going to ‘invent’ curries! There are lakhs of Indian cookbooks and guides. (Btw, there is this really smart Indian cooking blog I came across the other day 😉 ) She and her partner (in crime?) announced the invention of new blends of spices!

– Its incredible, the way she takes full mileage of her famed racial incident with Jane Goody and uses ‘Jane’s memory’ to cash in on another opportunity! Poppa-dom! As if there aren’t enough Poppadom brands in the market already.

So! The brand ‘Shilpa’ is a success (if publicity/fame is an acceptable measure of the same). It is widely recognized, and rakes in the moolah!

And, all this, without having any sound or unique product or service (?! ;-))

She defies Kotler! She defies the principle of needing to have some product offering of SUBSTANCE to be able to sell it! In much-bandied about MBA jargon.. ‘she has made a paradigm shift’.

So its good news for all the wannabe successful young girls/lads out there!

Here is the NEW and IMPROVED secret to success:

You need a TUMMY!!!

Yes that’s what you need. A nice big tummy!

-You do not need first mover’s advantage.

-You do not even need a good product!

T

-All you need need is TIMING!  Time your launch after death of your so-called-tormentor, caching in on her memory! Like you have been the thickest friends ever.

U

– Next you need a USP. However shallow and silly it might be. 

Dear Shilpa’s USP is that she is hailed (well, mainly by herself) as a survivor!

Not of drought, famine or war (or even Swine flu!). But of a silly squabble between bickering Nautankeys on a Reality show. That catapulted her into a whole new global arena altogether!

M

–Money (as always)! A rich business magnate boyfriend surely does help!

M

-And ofcourse, Mummy! Don’t ever forget that Mummyji will tag along with her gullible little girl as they parade all over the world.

Y

–Yoga! Ofcourse..how could one forget? It is the secret to tranquility and ability to think clearly. Plus, a BIG PLUS, its Shilpa’s key to beauty and success. Google it, if you want to!

So there! You have successfully whined your way to fame!

You really are an international heroine – no pun there! 

Goody goody, Shilpa! Your poor attacker is long gone!

But you still continue to haunt us 😦

(P.S: Kotler might learn a lesson or two from this young lady!)

(P.P.S: Reg. the ‘Y for Yoga’ – how am I supposed to come up with some fancy jargon with ‘Y’ of all the letters in the alphabet?! So, if you can think of an attractive Y-word, do let me know so we can give a logical conclusion to the TUMMY strategy 😉 )