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Food and recipe Humour

The Two-Minute Tikka

How to make authentic-looking paneer-tikka in just two minutes. And that’s a promise!

Step 1- Place non-stick tava on hob, turn on the heat.

Step 2- Take a minute to chop the paneer into large cubes, soak in an instant marinade of ginger-garlic paste . Add a pinch of haldi, chilli powder, talcum powder…you get the drift, right? Just dump all the powders you find in your kitchen!

Step 3- By now, you see those fumes from the Tava, don’t you? Go ahead! Drop those cubes in gently. Drizzle with oil.

Step 4- Go for a walk, a crap or a pee. Whatever! Just goooooooooo!

Step 5- The final step! Within another minute (or so), you will sense that burning smell. Now, return and take a look at that pan!

You will quickly realise how authentic that Tikka looks. Beautifully smeared with charcoal all over. Covered in smoke! Infact, your entire kitchen will resemble a tandoor!

(On second thoughts, we could probably rename this ‘Smoked Tandoori Paneer Tikka’ or something that sounds just as exotic!)

So, all you need to do now is scrape the stuff off the Tava, spread on a white porcelain plate, garnish with fresh coriander and add a dollop of tangy chutney or ketchup.

(Awwww…..how I wish I had taken a picture of the da*n dish yesterday! You would have loved to see it!)

Bon Appétit!