55-er Short story

The boy who never smiled – 55-er / fiction

Clothes, chocolates, gifts – nothing satisfied Akaash. Ungrateful, resentful child.

Yesterday, I offered left-over pastry. He glared!

‘What the hell do you want????!!!’ I screamed, frustrated.

He replied quietly – ‘My mother. Please send her home? Tomorrow’s my exam’.

Behind me, Kanthabai waited nervously.

Both, pleading in silence.

‘Go!’ I whispered.

For the first time, Akaash smiled.

66 replies on “The boy who never smiled – 55-er / fiction”

Who says “Go” – the mother or Kanthabai ??? If its Kanthabai, then why she shld wait expectantly ??? If its the mother, it shld be “come here to me” !!!

Pal, explain. 🙂

Guess this post needs some editing, to make it clear… sorry 🙂
I / narrator: Employer at whose place Kanthabai works
Kanthabai: Servant-maid waiting inside the house, expectantly, for my assent
Akaash: Kanthabai’s son

I got it Pal 🙂 and loved it!

@ others – “I” is the woman at whose place Kanthabai works as a maid and Aakash is Kanthabai’s son 🙂

Thank you, Prats. And congrats on achieving your milestone of being ‘published’ 🙂 Read your article, but couldn’t reply immediately…will do it today 🙂

Very nice thought. But kinda confusing the way you wrote it.
If both Aakash and Kanthabai are at “I”‘s place, why’d he say “Please send her home”? :d I think thta’s whats confusing ppl.
He should ideally have said “My mother. please let her come home with me now. Tomorrow is my exam.” or something like that 😀 😀

@ Priya and Uma : But thats how kids usually speak na? He is a kid not a pass out of Oxford 😀 😀 😀 I thought it was so natural for Aakash to speak that way.

Wow, Pal . I kinda didnt get it in the first read. Really well written !

But I must admit, stupid Aakas. No mother at home; he should be happy playing and not worrying about exams ! 😀 😀 😀

Oh, I read the new version now. Guess you edited it after I left the previous comment.

Honestly, didnt like the new version; this was more like spoon feeding 😀 😀 😀 But then, you cant satisfy everyone all the time 😛 😛

Sigh!!! I don’t like the new version either, Vimmu. But how will my readers understand then 😦 Let me go back and see if its possible to strike a balance! Thanks, buddy! I was actually very happy to see that you didn’t like the new version much 🙂

Oh, I didn’t reply? Sorry dahling!! I thought I did.
But now you girls have confused me already! I don’t even remember Ver.1.0 now to revert back to that 😦 😦

Pallu, it is really a shame
your and my intelligence you compare as the same
we have only you to blame
how can Kanthabai’s son have akaash as his name?

🙂 Therein hangs a tale.

I hope now that you are going to be in Chennai for the vacation, you will spend enough time with the Maid Mandal so that your thirst for a maid is quenched a bit :mrgreen:

Well written and it’s a miracle I did get the story line in the very first attempt 😛

The advantage of coming in late is everything is sorted out…. now this version was very clear only after reading the comments came to know about the kunfusion 😀 ….
55 Fictions should be little open for interpretations isn’t it 😛

I blame it on myself I jsut dont get it .. and also why would you change it .. I think the readers shud try to understand what you wrote.. maybe you shud have written a new one rather then changing that way it would have been obvious what changes you have made …

the boy is askeing you the narrator to send his mother home cause he has a exam tomorrow .. does that mean he has come to you to let her mum go off work EARLY…

if thats the case then you surly are a good hearted person letting the mum go early bless you.. I hope akaash managed to pass the exams now 🙂

I normally hardly ever edit, but this 55-er has made me think and re-think….phew… But thank you for taking the time to understand the narrator’s predicament..she was a simple, normal lady of the house, and Kanthabai was her maid. And I guess when she realised the reason for the boy being so surly (that what he really wanted was not gifts but his mother..), it felt like a blow!

So, what do you think?

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