The boy who never smiled – 55-er / fiction

Clothes, chocolates, gifts – nothing satisfied Akaash. Ungrateful, resentful child.

Yesterday, I offered left-over pastry. He glared!

‘What the hell do you want????!!!’ I screamed, frustrated.

He replied quietly – ‘My mother. Please send her home? Tomorrow’s my exam’.

Behind me, Kanthabai waited nervously.

Both, pleading in silence.

‘Go!’ I whispered.

For the first time, Akaash smiled.


66 thoughts on “The boy who never smiled – 55-er / fiction

    1. Who says “Go” – the mother or Kanthabai ??? If its Kanthabai, then why she shld wait expectantly ??? If its the mother, it shld be “come here to me” !!!

      Pal, explain. 🙂

      1. Uma,
        Guess this post needs some editing, to make it clear… sorry 🙂
        I / narrator: Employer at whose place Kanthabai works
        Kanthabai: Servant-maid waiting inside the house, expectantly, for my assent
        Akaash: Kanthabai’s son

  1. I got it Pal 🙂 and loved it!

    @ others – “I” is the woman at whose place Kanthabai works as a maid and Aakash is Kanthabai’s son 🙂

    1. Thank you, Prats. And congrats on achieving your milestone of being ‘published’ 🙂 Read your article, but couldn’t reply immediately…will do it today 🙂

  2. Very nice thought. But kinda confusing the way you wrote it.
    If both Aakash and Kanthabai are at “I”‘s place, why’d he say “Please send her home”? :d I think thta’s whats confusing ppl.
    He should ideally have said “My mother. please let her come home with me now. Tomorrow is my exam.” or something like that 😀 😀

      1. @ Priya and Uma : But thats how kids usually speak na? He is a kid not a pass out of Oxford 😀 😀 😀 I thought it was so natural for Aakash to speak that way.

  3. Wow, Pal . I kinda didnt get it in the first read. Really well written !

    But I must admit, stupid Aakas. No mother at home; he should be happy playing and not worrying about exams ! 😀 😀 😀

  4. Oh, I read the new version now. Guess you edited it after I left the previous comment.

    Honestly, didnt like the new version; this was more like spoon feeding 😀 😀 😀 But then, you cant satisfy everyone all the time 😛 😛

    1. Sigh!!! I don’t like the new version either, Vimmu. But how will my readers understand then 😦 Let me go back and see if its possible to strike a balance! Thanks, buddy! I was actually very happy to see that you didn’t like the new version much 🙂

        1. Oh, I didn’t reply? Sorry dahling!! I thought I did.
          But now you girls have confused me already! I don’t even remember Ver.1.0 now to revert back to that 😦 😦

  5. Pallu, it is really a shame
    your and my intelligence you compare as the same
    we have only you to blame
    how can Kanthabai’s son have akaash as his name?

    🙂 Therein hangs a tale.

  6. I hope now that you are going to be in Chennai for the vacation, you will spend enough time with the Maid Mandal so that your thirst for a maid is quenched a bit :mrgreen:

    Well written and it’s a miracle I did get the story line in the very first attempt 😛

  7. The advantage of coming in late is everything is sorted out…. now this version was very clear only after reading the comments came to know about the kunfusion 😀 ….
    55 Fictions should be little open for interpretations isn’t it 😛

  8. I blame it on myself I jsut dont get it .. and also why would you change it .. I think the readers shud try to understand what you wrote.. maybe you shud have written a new one rather then changing that way it would have been obvious what changes you have made …

    the boy is askeing you the narrator to send his mother home cause he has a exam tomorrow .. does that mean he has come to you to let her mum go off work EARLY…

    if thats the case then you surly are a good hearted person letting the mum go early bless you.. I hope akaash managed to pass the exams now 🙂

    1. I normally hardly ever edit, but this 55-er has made me think and re-think….phew… But thank you for taking the time to understand the narrator’s predicament..she was a simple, normal lady of the house, and Kanthabai was her maid. And I guess when she realised the reason for the boy being so surly (that what he really wanted was not gifts but his mother..), it felt like a blow!

So, what do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s