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Humour Incidents

Fight to the tooth!

I hate dentists. Period.

No, Comma.

Because, yesterday, I had a very interesting session at the Dentistry.

It started with a very sweet-looking dentist asking me, ‘Is there any change in your medical history?’

While I thought it was absurd to have ‘medical history for a darn tooth’, she was so polite and kind, that I just couldn’t be rude. I replied in the negative.

And ofcourse, I didn’t want to admit that of late, hot/cold stuff sent that slightest twinge of pain in the tooth (if you know what I mean). An admission of that sort would definitely mean a filling … or a root-canal… or even an extraction (at worst!)

And I wasn’t going to give them ideas! They were only trainees afterall. What if they decided to ‘experiment’ stuff on me?!

Talking of ‘experimenting’, while I sat there, dumb and numb, another girl walked up, and carefully explained something to these girls – instructions to operate the machinery!! ‘Left lever to blow air, and right, for suction’. WTH was going on? ‘That’s for the tools, and this lever is to lower the chair…blah..blah…’

I looked around nervously, until I spotted the chief doctor. I flashed a smile at him, hoping that he wouldn’t have forgotten me from our last visit (You know… the time when he tried to examine Rishi’s teeth, and the little brat kicked him! Hmm … on second thoughts, I guess I rather prefer him not remembering!)

Ok, so these Finnish trainee dentists (with all due respect) proceeded to show me X-Rays from the previous appointment, and explained the treatment.

Now, I was sooper-doooper impressed. When I visit my old dentist in India, the first thing he does, is call his ancient assistant, and scan through fourty equally ancient manuscripts…I mean, ledgers, find my name, and related notes scribbled in different coloured ink all over the yellow, tattered pages. While all these ‘trainees’ did was deftly click a mouse, and Lo! It was all there on the computer…the so-called ‘medical history’ and whatever!

Happily, I offered to help the girls, by opening my mouth wide, and explaining that a filling was ‘supposedly cracked’.

What happened next was rather interesting. This girl quickly called out to her assistant, and then she called out to the chief Doc. He was so charming… he took a look and said ‘Wow! This looks just like the beginning of the English Chunnel’!

So, the next two hours were a session of intense drilling and filling, and re-filling. As Chief Doc. very kindly explained, the ‘filling was so much, that if I went swimming, the weight (- of the filling, mind you) – would drag me down!’

I must admit I was completely enthralled by their procedures and state-of-the-art equipment. At first they gave a delicious local anasthetic…it was just like chewing-gum. When the gums became a little numb, they injected a more intense local anasthetic, and it was fun. It increased my heart beat, and then, I couldn’t feel a thing. I mean, I knew they were knocking out bits of my tooth and all, but there was no such thing as pain or blood.

Unlike my previous experiences, where I would have to stop my old dentist every second or third minute, to either complain of the pain, or to tiredly spit out blood like a war-hero, along with pieces of cement (or composite or amalgam, as the case might be!)

They even gave me a pair of goggles to wear, so my eyes wouldn’t be hurt. Now, wasn’t that cool? That’s why I thought to myself, ‘dentists aren’t bad afterall!’

Finally, it was over. My jaws ached badly. The girls were visibly tired. I was exhausted too, but satisfied, and relieved. Normally, I would shy away from ‘re-appointments’ but when they suggested I return in a couple of weeks, I agreed quite happily.

I mean,  with this sort of pain-free, professional treatment, ‘Yeah! Sure! Why ever not?’

Just as I left, the Chief Doc came over to enquire how I felt. (More impressed, by the service!) I gushed over, about the girls being so good and all that.

He seemed really pleased. He said, ‘Perfect! I’m glad you’re feeling well. I promise you, the next visit will be much easier!’

‘Thank you’, I gratefully smiled back.

‘Definitely! Next time will be very smooth. As you know, this was an awkward one to do! It being the very last tooth’

I nodded wisely.

He nodded wisely.

The girls looked at me, with sympathy, and also nodded wisely.

When I suddenly realised… GOSH, IT WASN’T THE LAST TOOTH I CAME FOR!! IT WAS THE SECOND-LAST!

Ofcourse, it was too late. And I didn’t want to burst the ‘happy bubble’ of those who assumed they had just performed some exquisite restoration work!

So now, I have a non-tooth that has been excavated and restored, a broken tooth that is painful, and rows of other teeth that used to be OK until yesterday, but that have a very strange tingling sensation today!

The good thing is, I also have another appointment in Nov.

‘I hate dentists’ … err…have I mentioned that already?

Cheerio!

(Signing off, tired)