Food and recipe Humour


Today being Tamil New Year’s day, I decided to share the secret to making yummy Semiya Payasam in just 5 easy steps. Infact its just 4 steps, as the 5th is only the serving suggestion.

Here we go…


Step 1: Place two pans on the hob. Pour milk into one. Add a spoon of ghee into the other. Turn on the hobs. See, its easy!

Step 2: While the milk gets warm in Pan-1, and the ghee melts in Pan-2, add a cup of vermicelli into Pan-2. Keep stirring the milk. Keep stirring the vermicelli. Yeah, I know you have just two hands, but you sure can use both?! Okay, stir them one at a time. Fine?

When you notice the vermicelli is turning brown, turn off the hob. Oh, its the milk hob you’ve turned off. No, not that one, silly. Hob-2. Never mind, turn it off now, and turn the milk hob back on again. Aw, the vermicelli has got a little burnt. Scrape it off the pan anyway and slide it into a plate or a bowl. Yeah yeah, pick up all the strands that have fallen onto the tabletop but leave those that have fallen onto the ground.

Step 3: The milk is getting nice and hot. He about ‘multi-tasking’. Add more ghee into Pan-2, and wait for it to melt. Is something on fire? Oh, you forgot to wipe the droplets of ghee from under Pan-2. ok, wipe it off with a dry tissue paper now, and set it back on Hob-2.

Hey!! What’s happening at Hob-1? Help! Help! The milk is boiling over. Turn off the milk hob. Shit… look at Hob-2. Itsย that damn ghee fuming, literally. Turn that off too, please. Aw no! The milk is all over the hob now, burning and bubbling furiously, and forming a vicious dark crust all around the hob. Darn! Get that damn pan off the hob. Yank off the ghee pan too, dumbo!! Do you want to burn the house down????

Ok, so we now re-do Step 3 with a calm and dignified approach.

Step 3-a: Pour milk into another pan and let it simmer. Keep close watch. No, don’t answer the phone now. Just hold on for a minute, please. Yes, now that the milk has boiled, turn it on a low simmer. Add half a cup of sugar (FORGET the crystals that spill onto the sides of the hob…we can clean that later). Add the vermicelli and let it simmer. No need to look at this hob for some time now.

Step 3-b: Empty the burnt ghee from the other pan, wash it and dry it (unless you have another spare pan available), and put it on the hob again. Add a spoon of ghee, and watch till it melts. I mean, don’t just watch …its beginning to let out fumes again! Do something!! Add the handful of rainsins and cashews. Mmmm…the raisins bloat into little balls…how beautiful. I always love this part. But the cashews…ouch…they’ve got a little burnt. Sigh! You’re tired.. I know..I know. Fine then, we’ll just have to do with black cashews.

Step 4: Wait patiently, until the vermicelli has cooked in the milk. No, please don’t increase the heat setting on the hob. Let it take its time. When the vermicelli almost doubles in volume, and smells good, you know its done!

Step 5: Add a pinch of cardamom powder or whole cardamom if you like, add flaked almonds (if you like). But don’t forget the burnt cashews and raisins (unfortunately, they are not bloated any more, but they do taste good!). And yes, offer some to God, and serve the rest to your friends and family.

See, its that easy. Phew…


Lol! This is Pal doibng what she is good at-making us laugh!

The recipe doesnt need too much ghee does it? Quiet healthy i must say…and never mind u dont tell us exactly how much sugar/milk to add…so we can go do as we please…very liberating!:))

And a very happy New year to u! Ours was in March end!
Time to make some new new year resulutions?

well Pallavi ur Payasam sounds yummy so lets taste it !!
Happy new year !!
today we are also celebrating our new year.

Wow…the first responses from my immediate neighbours. Now I can’t even escape. I’ll have to treat you to some burnt payasam this evening!! U asked for it, buddies.

Hey Yashada- You’re right.. I hate giving instructions.. 1.075 lts milk, 12.36 gms cardamom pdr…I mean, who actually manages to weigh such stuff (as they write in the recipe books)?! LOL! Ballpark figures, if u must know are: 1 lt milk, 1 cup vermicelli, 3/4 cup sugar, a pinch of cardamom, and a handful of raisins/cashews. Or whatever you want ๐Ÿ™‚

Step 3 is ME!! ๐Ÿ˜€
i tend to spill the milk and burn the ghee .. sometimes!!
i will make this today and surprise the hubby – he has already told me he will be coming late!! ๐Ÿ˜€

Thanks Pal!

Happy New Year to you and your lovely family!


If the payasam is nice and doesnt end up getting burnt, then good for u ๐Ÿ™‚ Else I have one last step.
Step 6: :D:D Keep a packet of Gits Vermicelli Kheer ready and toss that into the 1 ltr milk once it has boiled nicely. This is a tried n tested ready kheer mix; and it’s so tasty that noone’ll know you’ve used a ready mix :p

Pix: Thanks…always nice to know there’s company in distress! Hope your payasam turns out really well. Do update. Happy New Year to u too ๐Ÿ™‚

Urmi: He he…now why didn’t I think of that?! Yours should infact be Step 2 and not Step 6.

Ally: Thank you. And you’re most welcome home, buddy! At your own risk, of course.

Ha..ha..ha my easiest step would be to now ask you to send some this way.

Puthandu Vazhtukal. Happy New Year!

I guess the excercise was wholesome
your experience with the payasam
anyways let the whole year be gleesome
and what can I say about your post ’twas just awesome

Soliloqy: Send me your address for a delicious gift!! Thanks for the new year wishes. Btw, I just realised I don’t know your name yet, which leads me to wonder how you know the Tamizh greeting! Or did u just google it .. he he ๐Ÿ˜‰

Pix: Girl, you’ve made me all J now!

Govind: Your poetic skills are getting really good, and thanks for that lovely compliment. Made my day ๐Ÿ™‚ Puthandu Nal Vazhthukal to you and your family too.

Ganga- U’re smart ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks!!
Ritu- A recipe book from me? Well, that’s the last thing I’d have ever thought of… but now, I’m wondering – why not? The title would have to be ‘Recipes for Disaster’

Hey pal…when I stop laughing I shall try making payasam. This btw is called payesh in bengali ๐Ÿ™‚

Oh and today is the Bong New Year too – Subha Naba Barsha (Auspicious New Year)

I know, Roo. We missed seeing u the other day. If only u weren’t travelling the next week, I’d have risked passing on little R’s cold to u :-)) Next time indeed. And will dig out that post esp. for u.

hey (belated) shubho nabobarsho (happy new year) to you pal – a bit belated though. I am inviting myself to your place – just to eat. You posted a rant about being – not this and not that… what nonsense! you have such amazing writing and cooking skills! You are too good.

ps. I love payasam, and anything south indian (in case you want to invite me …)

Hey Ipshita, hope u had a lovely bday cum new year celebration in Spain ๐Ÿ™‚ And I do have an inkling as to why you are so attracted towards anything South Indian ;-))) Lucky pati of yours ๐Ÿ™‚ And u’re welcome home any time, really !! Tell me when.

[…] I am thrilled that my post ‘How to make the perfect Mother’s Day brunch’ has topped the list of articles written under the topic by the same title @ Helium. Do check out:ยย  to read the entire article. (Please do ignore the similarities toย my Art of Making Chapatis and Simple Steps to making Semiya Payasam). […]

* Kash – Thank you…wish you had left your URL, so I could return your visit!

* Dreamer – He he he! Never tried those yet. Sure I can mess that too ๐Ÿ˜‰

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