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Movie Review

Haire Krishna !

I just finished vacuuming the floor today, and going by the quantity of hair that came out of the carpet, it is indeed a miracle that I am not yet bald ! Which led me to think if there was indeed a Rapunzel, if she was the protagonist of Ekta Kapoor’s next soap…what would it be like ??? Any guesses for the name of the soap … yes, you are right.. it’s “KKeshni”.

The parents would have to be successful, rich Gujju businessman Rahul and his model wife, Kkasturi. Rahul has of course, married his late brother (Rohit)’s fiance who was pregnant with Kkeshni at the time Rohit met with a fatal accident (an attempt of murder from which he will emerge alive after a 20-year leap, with plastic surgery done to make him look 20 years younger, which drives the audience crazy about how old he really is !!).

Anyway, our Kkeshni is an ideal daughter..beautiful, cultured, loving, and pretty much does nothing all day except leave her tresses loose (oops.. that’s our Rapunzel’s USP) and frolic about in the palatial house (they must be in the Top Twenty Richest People, considering the zooming property prices in India), playing with fluffy teddies and pampered by an old Ramu Kaka, who nurtures a dark secret about her past, and has sworn eternal allegiance to this family. Which planet did he arrive from ?!

One fine day, “Knock…knock” and Kkeshni opens the door thinking it is the postman (why isn’t she at college or at work ??!!). And there stands our magnificent hero, Karan (the surname’s just got to be a Mittal). Now, the audience will be subjected to the torture of a ten minute song from one of Tushar Kapoor’s movies, and will have to watch Kkeshni’s sparkling chandelier earrings and Karan’s deep eyes and painted lips over and over again, until its time for the next TV commercial. Phew…

Oh no, the commercial has ended, and so has my patience… No, I cannot watch Kkeshni marrying Karan , and realising that it was Karan’s dad who had plotted her real dad’s murder, because Karan’s mum was in love with Rahul, who was forced to marry Kkasturi, because Rohit died. If this makes a teeny weeny bit of sense to anyone, just email me for a reward !

Let me quickly take you five years down the line, to show you the finale of the soap. Mrs. and Mr. Mittal subject Kkeshni to various forms of torture. In the meanwhile, Karan has had a baby with Kkeshni’s sister (probably a cousin sister, who is miraculously invoked out of thin air to boost the TRPs in light of a KBC re-launch!). And Kkeshni herself loses her memory when she accidentally falls into a river and is saved by a sanyasi. She infact almost marries an old admirer of hers (thank God he is not the sanyasi himself), when Karan arrives just in time to stop the fiasco.

Anyway, all’s well that ends well. Kkeshni wins over her tormentors by sheer love and devotion. No, we are not done yet. The icing on the cake: the Saas is suddenly infected by a deadly disease, and to propitiate the Gods to save her, Kkeshni sacrifices her tresses. Now, isn’t that the real beauty of Rapunzel ?

You know what… if writing the above crap for just an hour today leaves me feel so confused and frustrated, I really feel bad for the Balaji team. They must have lost their marbles ages ago, trying to cater to the appetite of the non-Malabar-hill audience (as Ekta defines her target audience).

I think I’d rather get back to my cooking.
In Tulsi Ma’s words…”Jai Shree Krishna”.