Band Baajaa And Imperfect Brides

I am yet to forgive my two best friends for what they did to me at my wedding. Now, don’t go getting any ideas. My buddies dragged me to a certain beauty parlour and got me a mini-makeover. I still cringe when I look at my wedding album. I don’t recognise myself, with all that face-paint on

This is exactly why I feel bad for the brides who participate in the new makeover show ‘Band Baajaa Bride’. I am a complete sucker for makeover shows, and I was excited to catch an episode of this show, where the famous designer Sabyasachi Mukherjee creates a grand outfit for the chosen bride-to-be.

On the face of it, the show seems like an amazing opportunity. Having a stunning dress designed by a top designer, looking like an Indian queen on your wedding day, adorned in all the finery, and getting all this for free ) – a dream come true for any bride.

So what is it that I am cribbing about?

Just this – the show takes the natural charm out of a girl and replaces it with stupid and needless glamour! Almost as if saying, your natural perfection IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH. You NEED to be an artificially enhanced doll. Or a live advertisement for designer wear!

The episode I watched featured an extremely pretty bride-to-be, with lovely long tresses and an innocence that radiated. She wanted a ‘lehenga-choli’ that was not ‘red’ in colour. And she wanted to ‘look REAL’ – just the way she was.

What do you think Team Band Baaja did? They took her to a cosmetic surgeon to make her lips look fuller (that by the way, looked perfectly fine to me), chopped off her ‘boring’ tresses to make her look younger (apparently her fiancé also said ‘she was pretty but not glamorous’), and created a very regal wedding outfit – in red.

The bride looked gorgeous. The outfit, the styling, the accessories were all perfect.

But somewhere down the line, that pretty girl who had walked into the show wanting to look ‘REAL’ had been lost. She now looked like a perfect Hindi-serial actress.

And in place of a naturally charming young girl, we had someone who represented the designer dreams of Bollywood. Instead of simple, realistic, and attainable charm, we now had glitz, sparkle and heavy work that is simply not attainable to most of population.

It is this stereotyped concept of ‘perfection’ that immensely bothers me. A show like this makes a bride believe she NEEDS a grand makeover, failing which she would not look ‘good enough’ on her special day.

Yes, you can say this is a case of sour grapes. There was no such makeover show when I was a bride

But on a serious note, isn’t this the problem with us? We seek perfection in everything that is superficial. A lame child, a dark girl, an obese boy – instant ridicule. Every matrimonial advert reads ‘Wanted: Slim, Fair, Good-looking bride for boy’.

How about people who do not fit the bill – are they not worthy enough of consideration?

Interestingly, we do not make any attempt in perfection ourselves, in terms of skill, education, vocational training, etc. We don’t aim to stand up for anything worthwhile. Instead, we watch makeover shows, dreaming of looking perfect, but not bothering to be perfect in the things that do matter.

Coming back to the show itself, not all is wrong with it. Yes, it does a huge deal of advertising for designer-outfits and designer-jewellery. But despite that, the anchor Team comes across as friendly and enthusiastic.

I loved what Sabyasachi himself said on the show – ‘a beautiful bride does not need Sabyasachi’ – That was incredibly humble and delightfully charming. I loved watching brides weave their dreams.

But I don’t like the fact that there is a huge chance, that it makes people believe they are imperfect ‘just the way they are’. That, is dangerous.

So what do you think?

Please vote! Virgin Unite contest

Folks, please help!

Please click this link and click ‘LIKE’ using the FB icon or twitter. This is a worthwhile cause, and your ‘likes’ will help get the project noticed on the Virgin Unite contest.

http://bit.ly/GGAPHj

This is a community radio venture, started by a friend Ms.Saritha Thomas who earlier worked with the BBC. Her NGO works towards building community radio stations in India. I can give you personal guarantee that this lady is worth every single vote So please, take just one minute and vote by clicking either Facebook or Twitter icon at the bottom of the video.

Many many thanks..

-Pallavi

Hot Pants – Hot or Not??

The battle of the Bulge is something most of us are always fighting – and more often than not, losing! When I first read about the Zaggora Hotpants on a couple of blogs, I was sure this was a mere marketing gimmick. I discussed this with my favourite virtual ‘fitness pals’ and the general consensus was that nothing works but working out! Fair enough.

However, I still had that nagging doubt.. What If? What if the claims made by Zaggora were true? (Click here or on the Image to your left, to head over to their website). What if the ‘hot pants’ really worked?

I decided to give it a shot. I got in touch with the wonderful people at Zaggora, who immediately sent a pair of ‘Capri flares’, along with a personalised hand-written note from Ms.Lucy about how/when I could use the hotpants (which was practically any time!)

The very first time I worked out (treadmill) while wearing the Hotpants/Capri flares, I sweated so much that I needed to open out the windows on a cold January morning, to help me cool down. As I wore them more often, they got more comfortable. Two weeks down the line, I clearly felt some of the weight had fallen away. Unfortunately I hadn’t taken any measurements, so I couldn’t be specific.

Then I pencilled in lots of structured work-outs like Zumba fitness, and realised that wearing the Hotpants very clearly made me sweat much more than I normally would. I didn’t want the weight loss to be a ‘water loss’ trick. So I made sure I drank lots of water post work-outs.

And guess what? The Hotpants actually worked!!! Over the last two months, I have lost just over 6 lbs, and have nearly dropped a dress size. I don’t hide behind baggy jeans anymore!

The Hotpants do tend to make your skin sweat a little even when you are simply wearing them on and not actually working out. Unlike some other people, I don’t actually wear the hotpants all day, as I don’t find it comfortable that way. I absolutely ensure that I use them during my workouts (be it treadmill/stepper/Zumba/aerobics).

The only drawback with the hotpants is that they need to be hand-washed and dried atleast overnight! So you really can’t afford to be lazy. Unless ofcourse you have two pairs, then you can alternate using them.

Now, I am not sure if there are any side-effects. I have not noticed any till date, and I hope there aren’t any in the future either.

Needless to say, there is no substitute for working out! But I find that the Hotpants maximise the impact of the workout!

So it definitely is a Thumbs-Up from me!! If you are considering investing in a pair of Hotpants, I’d say ‘Go for it’!!! It makes a considerable difference to your weight-loss and fitness program. These Hotpants are definitely Hot.

Thank you Zaggora!! Here’s to many more such Hot inventions!!

(PS: I received a pair of Capri Flares from Zaggora for the purpose of this trial, no other consideration was received for this review. The review is entirely personal and not influenced by Zaggora in any way).

A guilt-free life

Women’s Day went by quite some time ago. The lovely ladies at ‘Womens Web‘ have this contest till 15th March. And as always, here I am, typing away at the very last minute (GMT!). But here it is. A few random thoughts, about a Guilt-Free life.

The traditional Indian woman – Beautiful, capable, charming, intelligent, cultured.. and family-oriented. Reminds me of the ‘Tu Hi Tu’ Star Plus Anthem that created a little ruckus last year.

Me? I am far from that pedestal. Very, very far. And happily far. I am no Superwoman. I’m just your average woman, trying to juggle her own space with her near and dear ones.

And for all Superwomen aspirants, please may I just add these humble tips to help lead a Guilt Free life.

* Me-time:    I’ve seen women, even the young/hip ones, express guilt about spending a little time ‘away’ from the family. I think ‘me-time’ is rejuvenating. A little time off and you don’t just refresh yourself, you even give ‘them’ time to re-bond and chill out, rather than be under your watchful eyes. Take time off, meet up with the ‘girl gang’, read a book (Even M&B would do ), watch a movie… do anything.. But just don’t feel guilty about it.

* Financial independence.   I don’t quite understand the concept of ‘joint account’. I mean, technically I do. I’ve even worked at a bank, remember? But having some financial independence is something I deem ‘necessary’ for every woman. Have a separate account, even if it has only a little money.

* Keep occupied.     An acquaintance asked me yesterday if I got ‘bored at home’. No, I don’t! I have multiple tasks and little projects on hand. And I love keeping myself occupied. Keep yourself busy, even  if it is only a self-created-task of re-organising your wardrobe. An Idle Mind is… you know better.

* Work-out!     During my growing years, it was very easy to identify a ‘mum’. A typical mum would be overweight, look a little unkempt and quite stressed. It isn’t like that any more. Join the gym, start attending aerobics/Zumba/ anything you like, really. I love what Zumba and swimming have done to my confidence levels. So do work-out.

* Love yourself.    And I don’t literally mean Sheela’s song Love who you are, the way you are. You may not be the most good-looking or the slimmest chick around. But WTH! You are still ‘You’. Love yourself, and don’t feel guilty about it. Loving yourself can only help strengthen your relationship with other people.

And lastly, Celebrate!!!! You don’t need someone else to wish you on Women’s Day. Wish yourself, wish your mum and your girl-friends. And go shopping Hee Haww

WW fun

Saw this on the road last week

Ha ha ha!

Tag you’re it!

I’ve been bitten by the ‘Tag You’re It’ bug too!! Kind courtesy: The one and only Bhai of blogworld. Our dear Hitchy!

The Rules:

1. You must post the rules!
2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.
3. Tag eleven people and link to them on your post.
4. Let them know you’ve tagged them.

Here are the questions Hitchy asked, with my answers embedded.

1.) If you could have any superpower, what would it be ? Imagine !
>> To make anyone slim OR fat! I’d round up all the mean folks and make them super-fat, so they are grounded for life. (Er, today happens to be my Mean-Avatar day!!) I’d also grant nice people with a great figure (if they so wish it!). So be in my good books, people!

2.) What was your favorite childhood television program?

>> Spiderman and He-Man.. they both give me a feeling of ‘Sunday’ day of rest and fun!

3.) Have / had any celebrity crushes ?
>> Hritik Roshan, who else!!!

4.) If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go?
>> At the moment it would be India, cos I’ve not been there for almost 6 months!! Yeah, I’m homesick.

5.) Name 1 thing you miss about being a child.
>> A calorie-free life. Not that I ate sensibly then, I was blissfully ignorant of words like Carbs, Monosaturated fat, blah blah blah.

6.) Name the one comic/book character that you loved the most and why ?
>> Er…. Suppandi

7.) What is the one thing that you are dying to try but haven’t had a chance to do so yet ?
>> After watching ZNMD, I think I might want to try sky-diving sometime, provided my BFFs join me!

8.) Do you have a role model – someone you want to emulate? Whom do you admire the most?
>> Chetan Bhagat.. who else can relentlessly dish out so much crap and still manage to become a best-seller?!!

9.) What do others make of you ?
>> (You mean, on my non-bitchy days, right?) That I’m very caring and pleasant.

10.) Have you ever gotten into a fight or punched someone ?
>> Nah! I’m too nice (read: timid) for that! But there are a lot of people I’d like to punch some day!

11.) For Girls – If you woke up tomorrow to find out you are Brad Pitt, what would be the first thing you’d say upon looking in the mirror !
>> Go, look for Writerzblock and take her out on a lovely date to Paris

Okay, my job’s done. Now its your turn!!!

These are the lovely folks I’m tagging:

1. Ashwathy
2. Urmi
3. Snowleopard
4. Vaish
5. Aaroo
6. Reema
7. Uma
8. LG
9. Shilpa
10. Bikram 
11. Mon

And here are your Eleven questions:

1. If you were crowned ‘Ms/Mr/Mrs/etc’ World, how would you start your ‘thank you’ speech?

2. If you had to turn yourself into a cartoon character, who/what would you choose?

3. What would be your response to a troll comment like ‘Your blog is utter crap!‘?

4. If you found a bag of cash (huge cash), what would you do? Take it to the police station, keep it for yourself, or any other option?

5. Describe your first poo/wee accident as a child. Ha ha ha!:wicked: If you don’t remember, then just invent one!

6. If someone pays you a million dollars to watch a scary horror film, sitting ALONE in a graveyard at midnight, would you do it?

7. What is your one piece of advice to Rahul Baba (Gandhi)?

8. If you could banish the Bacchhan parivaar, where would you send them?

9. What is your proudest moment?

10. What is your most romantic moment?

11. And finally (phew), if you had a time machine, which year would you transport yourself to, and why?

(Needless to say, if anyone wants to willingly become a bali-ka-bakra and take up this tag, please do so!! The more the merrier!!)

Yo Partner!

‘And they lived happily ever after…’ – I’ve spent many a summer afternoon buried in fairy tales and adventures woven in a red-coloured hardbound, rather worn-out copy of Grimms. Three decades later, I had the privilege of visiting Disneyland Paris. Who said Disneyland was for kids?? I loved every bit of it, especially the parades where Princess Jasmine, Snow White, Cinderella and the likes were dressed in all their finery. With a deluge of thrilling rides (rain too!), good food, shows and parades, the trip was a dream come true.

However whenever I think of my trip to Disneyland Paris, one particular incident, a person actually, stands out in my mind. We had exhausted two days at the Disney resort, and were at the Marne-la Vallee-Chessy station, waiting for our train to arrive, so we could make our way back to London. The savvy travellers that we were, we decided to reach early (though the station was hardly a few minutes away from the resort!) and waited. And waited. And waited some more! But our train was nowhere in sight! In the meanwhile my little son, all of 4 years, managed to trip, fall flat on his face, and cut his lips! Murphy was right, you know? We needed the first-aid kit, and guess where it was? Right at the bottom of our bags! So, while we haphazardly unpacked, dug into and re-packed bags that overflowed unimpressively with  dirty linen, we heard an announcement that the train had arrived at the platform. There began our race!

We gathered everything we could find and stuffed it back into the boxes, grabbed the wailing child and ran like hell all the way to the platform, that was (in)conveniently a long flight of stairs down! However, the gates were closed! Panicking, we looked around and found another gate at the opposite end of the crowded station. Five minutes to departure. An entire length of station to cross! So, for the second time, we ran. Ran. And ran. Voila! The second gate was closed too!

Now with less than a minute to go for the train could depart, realisation dawned upon us! We were supposed to have checked-in through the security gates way before, when the announcements were being made cleverly in French. All we knew of French was the ‘kiss’ and that a guy called Sarkozy had a really hot wife! Just kidding!! We did not know ‘any’ French (well, we knew about Sarkozy.. bah!)! By then it was too late. We watched helplessly, as the picture-perfect train chuffed out of the picture-perfect station.

Our marathon wasn’t over though. We ran back all the way to the customer service desk. Imagine, to our surprise, a Mexican guy, aged about 30, was also carrying a bag and hurrying towards to desk. He too, had missed the train, exactly like us. Yo Partner! We sighed and cribbed in unison! Then we jointly explained the situation to the customer service officer. We had missed the last train to London. We had no place to go, no other trains to catch that day! Luckily, the Mexican spoke French, and kept gesturing to our poor baby with the bleeding lip, and garnered sympathy from the officer. He was relentless, sincere and so genuine!

We were so touched by his evident concern. Here we were, fellow passengers in the face of adversity, connected simply, by an invisible thread of humanity! This is exactly where life teaches us valuable lessons. In faith, in partnership, etc. Truly, humanity knows no boundaries. Colour/race/country…nothing matters as much as brotherly concern for another person in trouble!

Pic courtesy huddle dot com

The officer was a really kind gentleman. He offered a solution! Catch the local train (that was leaving in 10 minutes from the local station that was at the other end of this international station) to Paris Nord station, and catch the last Eurostar train from there to London! Yippee!!! We all but clapped with glee!

But wait! He added something in fluent, rapid French. The Mexican listened carefully. By that time, he had stopped gesturing to the bleeding lips. He stared at the officer. And back at us. Then, back at him. He wasn’t even attempting to beg for help any more!

And without a word, he made a rapid dash towards the exit that led to the local train station!!!

Perplexed, we waited for the officer to explain. He said, slowly and clearly, ‘There are only two seats left on the last train from Paris’. And there were 3 of us adults, and one bleeding child. So THAT was why our Mexican Partner ran for his life!!!

Anyway, with no hard feelings, we dashed too. Racing pulse, swollen lips.. we were quite a sight by the time we boarded the local and reached Paris Nord station. The check-in queue was winding all the way down from the first floor! We were quite sure that by then, the kind Mexican had hitched a ride to the station and was comfortably grabbed one of the two remaining seats on the train to London! Like I said, no hard feelings! We managed to reach the staff in-charge, who were incredibly kind, and who also checked us onto the train.

In true Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge style, we RAN towards the train, tugging child and luggage, and boarded it just a second before the doors shut!!

To our utter surprise, guess who jumped in just after us? Our Mexican friend!!!!

Huffing and puffing, we made our way through the aisles, and found our seats, co-incidentally next to each other. We sank into our seats, heaving a huge sigh of relief.

Then, our friend turned towards us, flashed a huge toothy grin and gallantly did a High-Five. ‘We did it!’, he added.

Yo Partner!! Ofcourse ‘we’ did! So much for teamwork. Remember those life-lessons I told you about.. the ones on faith, partnership..yada yada.. er, let’s just say, they were lessons best unlearnt!!

But hey, it made one hell of an interesting tale for the Indiblogger Expedia contest, didn’t it?

Good boys don’t watch porn!

So the last couple of days have been eventful! India won against Sri Lanka. Voting began in Uttar Pradesh. And three ministers from Karnataka resigned, amidst accusations of watching pornography during when assembly was in full swing!

TV news channels aired footage of the ministers Laxman Savadi (Minister for co-operation),  CC Patil, (Minister for women and children), and Krishna Palemar (Minister for ports) using a mobile phone to watch a porn clip.

Excerpt from Mumbai Mirror:

‘The two ministers, who were sitting next to each other, had no inkling that television cameramen had taken position in the gallery right above them. Savadi, bored by the speeches, began fidgeting with his cell phone. As cameras zoomed in, it could be clearly seen that a porn clip was playing on his phone. Patil then leaned towards Savadi and got completely immersed in what was on show.The duo watched the clippings for almost 10 minutes, with Savadi holding the cell phone under the table. They looked up only after the day’s proceeding ended.’

On being caught red-handed, the ‘honourable’ ministers came up with a host of explanations…

1)      Savadi claimed he was watching an incident of rape of a woman, not ‘porn’, to “prepare for a discussion [in the assembly] on the ill-effects of a rave party” in the state recently. (Well! Really?! But why DURING the session?)

2)      Savadi also claims the clip was of a ‘foreign woman’ and NOT a Bhartiya nari (‘Indian woman’). (Right! He was not watching an ‘Indian woman’ so he has clearly not offended Indian culture!)

3)      ‘I am not a criminal. It was not my phone’. (Reminds me of the lame excuses kids use at school!!)

4)      ‘We are not so uncivilised as to watch porn films’ –  CC Patil, minister for women and children. (So, only uncivilised people watch porn?!)

So what is the outrage all about?

1)      Gross misconduct

Is the problem ONLY with watching porn? I don’t think so. Many people watch porn (Wiki says – ‘More than 70% of male internet users from 18 to 34 visit a pornographic site in a typical month’).

Watching porn does not mean you are a ‘bad person’. ‘Good boys’ also watch porn! But the point is, when and where do you watch it? The objection is neither on feminist nor religious grounds, but on code of conduct and accountability!

Each session of assembly costs money – the tax payer’s money. Take a look at this article that talks about Parliament assembly disruptions costing Rs.2 crore per day!

Assembly (or ANY place of work, for that matter), has a code of conduct, rules and some basic responsibilities. Whether the ministers were watching porn or not, the question still remains – why were they doing it when the house was in session?! Even if we were to be as gullible as one can possibly imagine, and believe, for a second, that the ministers were indeed watching a gang-rape in order to prepare for a discussion, there is NO EXCUSE for doing it during working hours!

2)      Hypocrisy

Isn’t it surprising that people having the power and authority and who claim to be ‘moral police’ themselves often contradict themselves by their actions? Let’s look at the following examples.

Does the name ‘Pramod Muthalik’ ring a bell? Members of the Sri Ram Sena group had threatened to punish or marry off any young couples found together on Valentine’s Day. They were also the same thugs who had beaten up girls ‘in a pub’.

While people in power advocate ‘upholding Indian culture’ they resort to gross physical violence without batting an eyelid!!

Remember the controversial ‘Slutwalk’? Many groups of people in India protested ‘against’ the movement for its use of the word ‘slut’ as well as the thought of ‘women dressing like sluts’. Apparently, the movement was not allowed to take place in Karnataka, because it was ‘against Indian culture’! Excerpt from Times of India: “The vice-president of a women’s organization in Malleswaram called me and said that if any women were seen in skimpy clothing during the Slutwalk, they would be beaten with brooms”

On one hand, authorities ban a movement against rape, and on the other, they vicariously do the same by watching porn?!

Interestingly, on the lines of what Andhra Pradesh top cop said, Minister C C Patil had recently assumed the role of moral policeman, advising women to ‘know how much skin they should cover!’ so they can avoid getting raped – “I personally don’t favour women wearing provocative clothes and always feel they need to be dignified in whatever they wear.”

 

Makes one wonder, was the woman in the clip dressed inappropriately, perhaps ‘arousing’ the curiosity of an otherwise ‘civilised’ man?!!!

 

Such incidents only prove one thing – the sleaze is in the mind of the criminal/perpetrator! Therefore, instead of pretending to respect women and Indian culture (and then watching porn during an assembly session!), perhaps they should focus on being sincere in their work, for starters!

3)      New lows all the time!

For a country whose image has been severely tainted with scandals and scams, we seem to find new lows all the time!

BJP leader Manohar Parrikar has supposedly just said proclaimed:

“There are people all across the country who do worse things. Congress leaders have chopped women and burnt them in a tandoor…Then there was the Bhanwari Devi case (from Rajasthan). They (the three BJP ministers in Karnataka who resigned yesterday) were only watching and not doing it!!”

The three ministers are perhaps not the ‘first’ people to engage in this deplorable act, but they sure can be the last!

Why are our standards so low? In UK, ministers were forced to resign for over-claiming expenses. In India however, we live through a new scam each day! The 2G spectrum scam, Nira Radia tapes, Commonwealth games scam, Adarsh housing scam… the list is endless!!

AND YET, ALL IS FORGOTTEN.

We hit a new low each time. This is one such case!

The BIG question now is – What will India decide? Is resignation enough?

This link refers to the weaknesses of the cyber act, due to which the ministers CANNOT be booked by the cyber police!

Will the ministers receive any punishment at all? Or will they get away (as always), because as they claim, ‘good boys don’t watch porn’!!

Do fashionable girls invite rape?

Do fashionable girls invite rape?

IHM has written extensively about this topic, and there really isn’t much more than I can add. However, here are my two cents.

—–

In what seemed to be a re-enactment of the origins of the Slut Walk, Andhra Pradesh top cop Dinesh Reddy recently made a statement that ‘women who wear fashionable clothes provoke men, leading to increase in rape cases’. He indicated that modern and fashionable women are more prone to rape, BECAUSE of their inappropriate dressing. While many people were outraged, many others have applauded him on his courage!!

I lived in India for most of my life, and I can tell you for a fact, that EVEN IF YOU ARE COVERED FROM HEAD-TO-TOE you are still very much at the risk of being sexually abused.

For starters, how easy or difficult do you think it is for a woman to travel in a crowded bus without being touched inappropriately by a fellow passenger?! A young child, a teenager, a mother of two kids – nobody is spared. As long as one is a woman, she is likely to be molested at some point in time. Do you know how many middle-class woman living in Mumbai carry a sharp safety pin while travelling on a crowded local train? I was advised this ‘technique’ when I lived in Mumbai for a couple of months.

The groping, pinching and other lecherous behaviour that happens all the time, on our Indian roads and public transport is beyond a civilised person’s imagination!! To blame that sort of lecherous behaviour on the clothes of the victim sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it?

A potential rapist sees his victim as an object and nothing else. There are no statistics to prove that a woman wearing a modern dress is more likely to get raped as compared to a woman who is conservatively dressed.

This article (see link) talks about molestation statistics in our Capital city, New Delhi. Atleast one woman is molested EVERY DAY.

Are we really so naive as to believe that all those women who were molested or raped were dressed ‘inappropriately’ or ‘fashionably’?!

How about our villages? Those poor women are not dressed ‘fashionably’, and yet they suffer the humiliation and trauma of rape.

For a country that claims to treat women as ‘goddesses’, statistics surprisingly indicate an increasing amount of crime against women!!

Also, do read this shocking extract from http://www.thp.org/reports/indiawom.htm

‘In recent years, there has been an alarming rise in atrocities against women in India. Every 26 minutes a woman is molested. Every 34 minutes a rape takes place. Every 42 minutes a sexual harassment incident occurs. Every 43 minutes a woman is kidnapped. And every 93 minutes a woman is burnt to death over dowry.

One-quarter of the reported rapes involve girls under the age of 16 but the vast majority are never reported. Although the penalty is severe, convictions are rare.’

Let’s get to the ROOT of the problem.

This interesting link describing the various causes of rape

Every single reason for rape (lust/show of power/etc.) has entirely to do with the mindset of the rapist, and NOT the outfit of the victim.

The problem is not that girls are getting influenced by the West and/or are wearing fashionable clothes, thereby ‘provoking’ men.

Rape happens IRRESPECTIVE of the victim’s outfit and NOT BECAUSE of it.

If we take a step backward and analyse the situation, we find that our society is plagued by a strong ‘rape culture’.

Wiki defines this rape culture as:

‘a culture in which rape and sexual violence against women are common and in which prevalent attitudes, norms, practices, and media condone, normalize, excuse, or tolerate sexual violence against women.  Examples of behaviors commonly associated with rape culture include victim blaming, sexual objectification and rape apologism’

As a society, we still tend to BLAME THE VICTIM. We believe that the victim is responsible, either directly or indirectly.

That way, we not only transfer the burden of rape on the woman, but also seek to excuse the rapist for his barbaric behaviour.

Statistics have not been able to prove the link between the victim’s outfits and incidence of rape. Please read an extract from this link ‘Through a Rapist’s Eyes’. Though this is applicable to the US, the underlying issue is very relevant to India too:

‘There is no data to suggest that a potential victim is at greater risk because of how she is dressed. Remember, 70-80% of assailants are known to their victim, so tactics of stranger rapists aren’t needed.’

More statistics only support the above statements by revealing that around 2/3rds of rape are committed by known persons rather than strangers!

Therefore, the point is – Rape is PREMEDITATED. To claim that a girl wore fashionable clothes, thereby provoking and INVITING rape is baseless.

And for those who really believe that covering ones’ self from head-to-toe protects you from rape, please do read this bold article.  Rape happens even with women who are completely covered behind a veil.

To be fair, I do understand that wearing revealing clothes might attract more attention in a country that is sexually repressed! But does that justify rape? NO. Rape is crime and you cannot simply BLAME the victim by the flimsy excuse that ‘she was wearing fashionable clothes’!

I think this comment on Yahoo beautifully sums it up: ‘A rapist has a totally different mindset. It’s much more sinister, because he is actually serious about his plans. And to a real rapist, the outfit probably doesn’t matter much at all’

The need of the hour is not guidelines on Indian women’s Dress Code, but concentrated efforts to get out of this gross rape culture.

There is no such thing as a ‘right to rape’!! The quicker we realise it, the better for us to evolve into a truly civilised society!

Please, do share your thoughts on this.

Flaunt that bump!

A couple of decades ago, it was really easy to find out if a woman was a ‘mum-to-be’ or not. In my totally humble (and utterly baseless and subjective) opinion, pregnant women would often be the ones wearing an oversized salwar-kameez or simple sari, very modestly trying to hide their baby-bumps!

But not so any more. Today, the Bump is something of a celebration We eagerly look forward to seeing that precious, adorable baby-bump that loudly calls for ‘Partayyy!!’

Now one regret that I have always had is that the poor mum-to-be often gets left behind in the hullabaloo about the baby-to-be!! And ofcourse, the woeful lack of smart ethnic maternity wear. And I am not referring to the good old versatile ‘sari’ here

There is an awesome range of stylish maternity wear when it comes to western outfits – like fantastic maternity jeans, maternity tops, etc. etc. But as far as Indian clothes are concerned… I don’t recall having seen any ‘maternity salwar-kameez’

Very recently, the lovely folks at Morph Maternity got in touch with me regarding their maternity wear. And trust me, I truly regretted visiting their website. Looking at all those gorgeous clothes, I felt awful that I did not have access to such a delightful collection of clothes when I needed them a few years ago!!! While I loved their chic kurtis/kurtas, some of the dresses (Sigh, I’ll never get into them!) looked so stylish!

While pregnancy itself is a blessing, I think chic maternity clothes make the mum-to-be feel confident and happy. And happy mums make happy babies!!!! I wish I had known about this brand earlier. A chunk of my wardrobe would have been from there!!

Google also reveals that the brain behind this concept is a woman entrepreneur Deepa Kumar. Thumbs up, lady!

My only quibble might be the sizing information on the website. The size chart is quite clear, however there isn’t a comparison with UK/EU measurements. Which I suppose is OK considering this is an Indian brand, but greedy folks like me, who want to order clothes from abroad might find it a little confusing.

I also wonder if they have an option of buying Gift Vouchers online like they do on sites such as Flipkart.

Anyway, better late than never. What am I going to do with all that post-pregnancy weight afterall !!! Kurtas.. kurtis.. here I come

(Psst: They offer free delivery too )

Edited to add:

I ordered a couple of Kurtis from Morph Maternity’s website (in consideration for the above post), and this is my honest feedback:

Pros:

1) Fabric and colours were OK

2) Cleverly placed zips to facilitate feeding (the zips are quite inconspicuous)

3) Prompt delivery

Cons:

1) The clothes were rather over-sized. I suppose this is because they are ‘maternity wear’ but it somehow took some of the chicness away. I forget if I ordered L or XL, but what I received was certainly bordering on XXL or XXXL!

2) One definitely needs to physically try out the garments before buying!

3) Returns are not allowed, only exchange for another size